Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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