I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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