I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
