some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
