youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We need to rekindle our bromance
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Randomize
