Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
