I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
