he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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