And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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