What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
