I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
