That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
