the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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