Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
