He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize