We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
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is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
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Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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