im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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