Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
