All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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