so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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