My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
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