You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
