i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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