Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
