Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
