Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
