Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
