Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
