Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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