one might say we're banned from that church
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
