So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
