Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
