Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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