You're a womanizer and a bitch.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
