MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize