maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
