I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
