just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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