I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize