if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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