At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
