i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I need a hoe opinion
go on
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
