I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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