So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Can I color on your dick again?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
