Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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