Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he was CRYING into my vagina
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
