Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
