I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
