if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
