There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
