i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
this boner is exhausting
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
