ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
