I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
