i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
