i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
apparently the secret to your success is patron
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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