First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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