You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
