watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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