You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
